Part of me knows that I need to stop playing the part of the naive ex-girlfriend who can't take a hint. But, the other part of me knows that he still cares about me a lot, and I can't help but wonder what would have happened if we hadn't broken up and if we hadn't continuously hurt each other the past two years. It's strange how loving someone isn't enough for the both of us. I know I love him, otherwise I wouldn't be able to put up with his temper, and all of the pain and grief he has put me through. I know he cares about me too, and if he doesn't love me then I'm certainly the closest thing he's come to love - I know this not because I am being a dim-witted girl, but because I have hurt him more than anybody else has hurt him.
It's odd how pain and love go hand-in-hand so easily. We are able to hurt deeply the ones we love the most - and the ones we love the most are the only ones that can hurt us deeply. A few days ago, I got into a fight with my ex, and truth be told, it was my fault. I haven't talked to him since, and being that I'm used to chatting with him for hours on end every night, the emptiness is daunting. The house feels oddly silent. I've apologized, and its all I can do. What's left for me is to wait to see if he will forgive me, or if the both of us will have finally decided to move on.
Like I've said before.... loving someone just isn't enough sometimes. Sometimes we just aren't able to erase the past wounds we've caused each other, and the only thing we can do is try to move on. If we don't talk again, I'll miss him and our conversations, and I can only hope he will remember all the fun times we had. If we do talk again, I am just worried that I am creating an open wound instead of letting my scab heal.
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